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Are you looking to rekindle the love you shared with your partner? Or are you trying to understand what makes you fall in love?
Knowing your love language can help you elevate your relationship to a whole new level.
For the cubs here wondering what all the fuss is about, the 5 love languages became extremely popular in the 2000s, all credits to the book ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman. Since its release in 1992, Gary Chapman has also released several other books on the same theme.
The 5 love languages emphasize the way we experience and express love. They draw on the individual personality types, helping us understand what love languages each individual uses in a relationship.
What is my Love Language?
Before you discover what, your love language is, it is crucial to understand the 5 love languages according to Gary Chapman.
On the whole, Gary Chapman explains that every individual is driven by two love languages-a primary and a secondary love language. It is important to understand how we give love because we tend to accept love the same way we give it.
Here’s a list of the 5 Love Languages as explained by Gary Chapman.
1. Words of Affirmation:
Gemma Troy writes “Remember your words can plant gardens and burn whole forests down”.
If you are moved by great orators and upset by the slightest of harsh words, chances are that your love language is words of affirmation. Simple phrases and praises such as “thank you”, “I love the way you look today”, “Your efforts really matter”, can be game-changers.
One word you use can change someone’s entire day. Also note, that while praises and positive words can bring down walls, negative words can break down bridges…
2. Acts of Service:
‘Actions speak louder than words’, is a popular adage. If you are a staunch believer in this, then Acts of Service might be your love language. You are probably driven by sharing household chores with your partner or even enjoy cooking breakfast for your roommate every morning.
These are not actions that stem from obligation but out of choice and happiness of the individual.
3. Receiving Gifts:
No, this language isn’t about being materialistic. It is about receiving things that convey a sense of love and care towards you. It could be a rose from your garden or a limited-edition pen that you always wanted to have.
The idea is to make moments precious by giving and receiving objects that spread joy.
Though most people enjoy receiving gifts, here is a simple way to recognize if this is your primary love language. Recognize if you are always thoughtful and give gifts that the person will appreciate owning. If you do, then you too are similarly driven by the love language of receiving quality gifts.
4. Quality Time:
Are you the one who could go miles to meet your partner and have a cup of coffee? Or take off from work early to be able to have dinner with your busy partner? Then, you are bent on spending quality time since this is your love language.
You value the time you spend with your partner. This could either be watching your favorite movie together or even spending an evening talking about your life goals.
You crave alone time with the person, so you could bond and talk about things that matter. These actions matter to you since you value the person’s presence around you.
5. Physical Touch:
You hold hands, hug every time you meet and say goodbye, kiss every time you find joy in your partner, irrespective of where you are. You are impacted the most by the physical touch of your partner/friend. PDA is your favorite trait and you mostly feel unloved in long-distance relationships.
Physical touch is your primary love language because you want to feel close to your partner both emotionally and physically.
Now that you are acquainted with all the love languages, here is our fool-proof guide to discover your love language.
1. Take a Quiz online.
The easiest and quickest way of discovering your love language is through an online quiz. Anyone can take up a quiz, anytime, and discover their language of love. All you need to do is Google ‘What is my love language’ to access several free love language tests.
Free quizzes based on situations, word association quizzes, choice of fictional characters, and several more reveal the love language you depend upon the most.
You could use this information to help build strong bonds with family and friends, and even with your colleagues, to build a healthy work environment.
Expert Tip- Take this quiz along with your partner, kids, friend, or colleague. Share your results and discuss your love language with each other.
2. Seek advice from the creator himself.
If you are willing to take the longer route, seeking advice from a counselor would help. But you could also seek advice from the Guru, Gary Chapman, who revolutionized love and introduced an absolutely new way of dealing with relationships. He has since worked on the concept extensively and has written several books since his first release. These new books cater to various audiences- singles, teenagers and children too!!!
If self-help books are your escape, then you should grab his books and spend this winter learning more about your love language.
3. Observe and Listen.
Languages aren’t only about words. They are about non-verbal actions too. So, observe your behavior and that of people around you.
Does a bouquet of roses and a box of your favorite goodies cheer you up? Or are you the cuddly partner who does not shy away from PDA? Does your partner always complain that you do not take them on a date?
These are signs that indicate where you lack. Making a note and acting on these can eventually reveal your hidden love language.
Love languages are not limited to couples alone, even individuals who want to care better for themselves can discover their needs through the love language. Once you take up a quiz and recognize your love language, you could practice more of it and live a healthier life.
Image Source- Pixabay
4. Write a journal.
Have you found it tough to stick to a partner in the past?
Have you felt confused about where your current relationship is going?
Or are you clueless about what you are looking for in the people around you?
Several times relationships, whether romantic or friendly, end due to several reasons. Bad and non-supportive nature, bursts of temper, jealousy, and lack of communication are only a few reasons. All stem from a failure to understand the self.
If you have been brave enough to recognize it and are willing to work on yourself, hurrah!!!
You are one step closer to making your relationship last longer by recognizing your love language.
Journaling allows you to reflect on your past actions and build on them for a better future by customizing it to your needs. It also records how you evolve as a person and how with changing circumstances, our love language keeps shifting.
You could choose to maintain an individual journal or a family journal. It could be one journal a year or several over a span of a few years.
Here’s how you could keep a Love Language Journal:
- Choose a simple notebook and a few pens of 2-3 different colors.
- Start by noting down the 5 original love languages and what they mean. This could serve as a reference for every time you forget what they stand for.
- On the next page start a daily/weekly/monthly entry of things that spread joy and make you feel good about yourself.
- At the end of the week/month review all the entries and sort them into the 5-love languages category.
- The final draft will give you a clear idea about your most used love language.
You could browse the internet for several templates and guides on journaling love languages.
Another tip- Encourage your partner or family members to maintain a love language journal, which you can discuss at intervals and build stronger bonds.
The Bottom Line
These 5 love languages- words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch-are a part of every individual. But the primary and secondary love languages vary from person to person. They are based on a person’s needs and personalities. This sets us apart from each other and makes us unique individuals.
Understanding these differences in love language allows you to be a better individual and a better partner too. With this knowledge of love languages, you can bring about changes in your behavior, which will gradually reflect in the behavior of others around you. Now that you are in the driver’s seat, take control of your life. You don’t have to hit the brake yet. All that’s required is a change of gear with you learning to ask and speak the right way using the right love language.