Relational
Parenting
By Ross Campbell, M.D.
Moody Press, 2000, 191 pages
Review by Maureen Brustkern
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Dr. Ross Campbell is a Christian psychiatrist with thirty years in
practice. In Relational Parenting he proposes an innovative,
inspirational approach to parenting that is based on the unconditional love
of parents toward their children coupled with a proactive response to the
needs and developmental levels of children rather than a reactive response
to their behavior. Dr. Campbell states, "I have never found an exception to
following principle of childrearing: It is impossible to correctly
discipline children unless our primary relationship with them is one of
unconditional love" (p.39).
Campbell presents four strategies for the expression of unconditional
love including eye contact, physical contact, focused attention, and
training. Training encompasses five ways to control behavior with an
emphasis on positive means such as requests and gentle physical
manipulation. He urges parents to rely on the harsher use of commands and
punishment for last resorts and serious situations only. Spanking and
behavior modification are presented as questionable methods that sometimes
can be effective, but that are more often harmful. Campbell cautions they
should be employed only with forethought and an awareness of the individual
needs and ages of the children involved along with consideration of the
behavior and circumstances precipitating their use. This is a refreshing
view for a Christian book because it relies on the majority of passages from
Scripture that promote love, understanding, and forgiveness rather than the
three frequently-quoted verses from Proverbs that seem to urge the use of
corporal punishment.
Campbell explores childish behaviors that occur in typical developmental
and behavioral stages such as the oppositional twos and threes and the
passive-aggressive early teens. He proposes a variety of loving, nurturing
methods to eliminate defiant behaviors while encouraging anger control,
positive self-esteem, spiritual development, ethical conduct, and rational
thinking. He asserts that parenting must take priority in busy lives and
that parents must offer their children an abundance of individual attention
and physical affection. He urges parents to conduct frequent conversations
concerning difficult topics and exploring the thought processes that lead to
good decision-making.
Campbell’s views on loving, attentive care are consistent with the
findings of neuro-biologists quoted in two acclaimed books, Eric Jensen’s
Teaching with the Brain in Mind and Rethinking the Brain by Rima
Shore. Both authors quote the findings of numerous colleagues who have found
that threats, fear, and punitive environments actually suppress cognitive
development, brain growth, and immune systems while promoting tendencies
toward aggression and inappropriate emotional responses.
Many parents will find Campbell’s views on homosexuality to be disturbing
and in direct opposition to his assertions about unconditional love. His
rational, thoughtful prose becomes somewhat hysterical during this
discussion. He also takes a strong stand for the use of controversial drugs
in the treatment of childhood anxiety and depression, which will support
many parents, while raising red flags for some early childhood experts.
Overall, Relational Parenting is an excellent addition to a
parental library providing a prescription for parenting that is firmly
rooted in the Christian values of unconditional love and understanding.
Maureen Brustkern formerly taught kindergarten. She now
teaches Early Childhood Education at Ivy Tech State College, Richmond,
Indiana, and is earning a Ph.D. at the University of Dayton. She is the
mother of three teen-agers, including one who lives with Tourette’s
Syndrome, and is active in St. Mary’s Catholic Church.
[ISBN Number 0-8024-6393-2]
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