ministrystaffingsearch.org BLOG

Here is what John Bodner - Pastor, Hope Assembly, Mississauga, ON, Canada. just shared:

This is a heart-rending matter. I am humbly grateful that God has preserved me and my dear wife in a happy marriage for 15 years, and may He graciously continue His mercies to us to the end.

I have personal acquaintance with one pastor, deserted and divorced by his wife with no real justification, exonerated by his home church, and after a good while very suitably re-married, carrying on an itinerant ministry in some, but not all, his denominational churches. He was a father in the Gospel to me, and a mentor. I still esteem him in the Lord highly, and as he is not in a settled pastorate, perhaps I make an exception of him.

Looking at my own responsibility however, and taking my conscience to Holy Scripture, I would have to say that a pastor must have a blameless reputation, and be the husband of one wife, with well-behaved (if not converted) children cf 1 Tim.3; Titus 1. When two marry, they are one flesh; the actions of the spouse and children necessarily have consequences of the minister. Were my marriage to fail, I believe I would be wrong to continue in the office and work of the Gospel ministry. I would have to retrain for other employment, and tend to my own life and character as a Christian man first.

Another pastor and dear friend of mine, has a daughter who has, since leaving home, gone very, very wrong. After much heart-searching, he determined that he had fallen short of Scripture's requirement to have well-behaved children, and that she had begun to go wrong on his watch, before leaving home and manifesting it. Against the advice of his elders and congregation, he resigned his pastorate, and was led into other full-time Christian service.

We are not 'good priests' of the Roman Catholic kind, who can be any kind of rogue or knave privately, provided we fulfill our ' professional functions' competently. Our character, our family life, all we are, is what the Lord sanctifies and requires for His service. If, even without our fault, His providence deprives us of that reputation, we owe it to the churches not to burden them with that problem. This is why I personally wish pastors were required to have a job-skill going into ministry, or that churches made provision for transiting such disqualified men out of ministry.

The ministry is a calling, not a job. It is a high, holy and arduous calling. If we are truly under-shepherds of Christ's flock, we must put the welfare and good name of the churches above our own employment. And we must take heed to ourselves and our marriages, for without the character and good name required to be pastors, we no longer have wherewith to offer in that calling.
Churches have the right to know, and determine from Scripture the qualifications of candidates for office.

Thank you for hearing me out. Every blessing in the Lord Jesus

As the wife of a pastor, I write this comment. My husband and I were both previously married and divorced. My husband of 9 years decided to pursue the ministry. Both of our spouses abandoned us with small children to raise on our own. Neither of us were Christians inside of the first marriage. Now, that he has dedicated all of his time and energy and funds to attend seminary and graduate and serve as a Youth Pastor for over 3 years, is it fair that 6 churches have refused to hire him as a senior pastor based only on our divorces? I am so confused and want to give up totally. I feel persecuted even though we have lived a blameless life as a couple for 9 years now. I feel that society and the "church" as a whole views us as a CANCER. Any thoughts?

This is why the church hasn't been successful in bringing the whole world to Christ: like many of the Pharisees, we can't see how to be in relationship with God apart from the law. We see the words of Christ, and we assume that He intended to substitute a new law for the old law, and we miss the point entirely.

There are no blameless men. None. Zero. Nada. Zilch. If that's a requirement for ministry, then we should all just hand in our robes right now.

Think about this: the sin of divorce isn't located in the signing of the property settlement, but rather in the broken relationship. The truth is that it's hypocritical of the church to refuse to hire divorced pastors when it's perfectly happy to hire pastors who live in married, but broken, relationships. Furthermore, Jesus identifies the only unforgivable sin as "blasphemy of the Holy Spirit," not divorce and remarriage; to refuse to forgive divorced pastors or allow them to be restored to service in the church is to deny the transforming and redeeming power of God.

First let me say my heart goes out to those of you who are diligently studying to prepare for ministry and have yet to find a place of service because of past painful events.

Paul explicitly states if the "unbeliever wishes to depart, let them depart, you are not bound under such circumstances." If this was the case, I cannot see any church being unwilling to hire you. (Assuming you didn't "make them leave.") As a senior pastor this would not have detered me from looking at your resume'.

However, I'm sure it DOES raise red flags to ask, do you have healthy family relationships now? And there is nothing wrong with that. A church needs to know that those who operate as their spiritual fathers or mothers have good family skills. 1Tim 3:5

Let me encourage you to keep applying until you find a church willing to look deeply to see if you have this relational health at this point in your life. Even if you did not have it previously, and even if you DID contribute to the divorce years ago. God is a wonderful healer, and can bring good out of bad. You may now be able to help those who are living broken lives to mend. (2Cor 1:4)

Keep looking, some churches don't have time to stop and look this deeply in their search for a leader. But if you have been restored from brokenness you have as much to offer the church as anyone whose never been there. Maybe more.

Keith

I am a pastor/missionary whose wife filed for divorce three months ago after a two year separation and after 16 years of marriage with three wonderful boys. I have done my best to love my wife and I do not want this divorce. I have been in marriage counseling for over two years by myself. She refuses to go. I have not had an affair or been abusive.

In a month I will appear before a denominational committee who will determine whether or not I can continue in ministry. My wife is a citizen of the country in which we work, and if I am released from the ministry, it will mean that my boys lose access to their father since they must remain in the country.

Unfortunately, divorce is treated as the unpardonable sin. As one pastor jokingly commented, if you are a pastor with a marriage problem it is better to kill your wife than divorce her. The church will accept a repentant murderer as a pastor faster than a repentant divorcee.

Being divorced is like being a Samaritan. You are "unclean." No amount of repenting, confessing, or time will be able to deal with the sin of divorce. In fact, divorce is such a terrible sin in some churches, that not even the cross of Christ can provide full restitution. All this in spite of the fact that the Bible does not forbid divorce, but regulates it, and that in all of Paul's lists of terrible sins, he never mentions divorce.

I'm sorry your wife has chosen this route. I'm also sorry that it means a lot of difficult changes ahead if it continues.

However, having been one whose been broken by life, and pushed out of my ministry assignment in the past let me encourage you this way.

1. If the denomination execs choose to "send you home" it does not mean you MUST leave the country, other jobs may be sought.

2. Because a denominational job comes to a close does not mean Christ is finished with you. In fact, you may be about to enter a very refreshing time of your life. (I know if someone had told me that at the beginning of what I went through I would have looked at them with a puzzled look too!)

What I'm saying is God is bigger than your "job" as missionary, and he may, in fact, use these circumstnaces to encourage and uplift you.

3. You said.... ""Being divorced is like being a Samaritan. You are "unclean." No amount of repenting, confessing, or time will be able to deal with the sin of divorce. In fact, divorce is such a terrible sin in some churches, that not even the cross of Christ can provide full restitution.""

Let me politely suggest this is a LIE FROM SATAN. The cross of Christ does provide full restitution! And this is regardless of what men may say. You already know this if you've read the Bible. (I assume a good missionary has.)

Lastly, should you be displaced in your profession, let me encourage you DO NOT RUN to get back in. Take some breathing room, take some time to refresh and refocus on Christ. This time could be some of the best growth possible.

I don't know what your counselor has told you, or what you have "thought you heard." So I cannot say you are okay and healed. What I can encourage is TAKE SOME SERIOUS EVALUATION TIME with you and the Lord. He is still Lord and this may be a temporary suspend in ministry to refocus, or even re-establish your marriage or parenting skills - or just your relationship to Christ. To heal.

Let him do the work he wants to do. If the denomination is still unwilling to restore, I'd suggest you find seven honest mature men to be accountable with. Men from a variety of denominational backgrounds. Seek their wisdom as they look at your life. If they ALL agree that you are healed and ready to go, seek out a good Bible believing group that will encourage your restoration.

God's best to you,
Keith

I have been married to a pastor for almost 20 years; he has pastored about 12. We are going to get a divorce. The marriage has been plagued by infidelity (on his part), emotional abuse, and lack of communication. The relationship is toxic as he refuses to repent or show remorse for his behavior. He is arrogant and shut me and the children out. He stays out until 11:30 -12:00 every night. He wants me to file for divorce so that he can remain the innocent victim and win the Church's sympathy because his wife left him. While I realize that he has no business leading anyone or counseling anyone (esopecially since he has slept with women in the Church), I must file to get my children out of this relationship befor they are damaged anymore.

Hi I am a Pastor currently in the middle of a divorce that is nearly over. The denomination I am in looks at every divorce or broken marriage separately. They do not have a hard and fast rule that says yes or no concerning divorce. Everything is taken as a case by case basis.

My wife has left after 17 years of marriage and she just no longer wanted to be involved in ministry and maybe even God. The church has stuck behind me and I will take a mandatory sabbatical but have been assured that my position will still be there when I get back.

It is my belief that much of the Church today has become worse than the religious leaders of Jesus' day and if we don't start looking at every situation with the eyes of Christ we will forever fall far short of the mark being the Church God called us to be.

Pastor Paul

Being a divorced pastor is no hindrance to ministry in most mainline ("liberal") denominations. My husband of three years (we were both divorced) is a minister in a church where the Gospel was pretty much not heard before. (Peace and justice were of primary importance.) In the time I've been here, the congregation has more than doubled. We haven't gone out to seek attendees, but God has brought them in steadily---many of them committed Christians. Sometimes my husband wishes he were in an evangelical church, but there's no denying that God's hand is in this work.

My divorce was the result of an unfaithful spouse (a former pastor) who left me. My husband's situation was more complicated, but he spent years working on and owning his own weakness---and continues to hold himself accountable. Looking back, I see our lives as training for this specific ministry. I'm far more compassionate, less judgemental and far more approachable.

Don't waste time wishing the past away. Spend more time listening to God's leading---and watch him reveal how he can use even that brokenness in your past for his glory.

I am a Pastor that has been a senior Pastor for over 10 years. My wife was accused by members of the church of having an affair with another women. I approached her about this and she told me that there was nothing there but friendship and the church nor I was going to stop this friendship.
She choose her friendship over our marriage and our calling. I was asked to resign from the church which I did and we separated. It has been 2 years now and she is still living with this friend in another state. She wants a divorce and I am going to give it to her. I still have a call on my life and have started seeking a church but have had many upsets even attending a church because of divorce. God either forgives or He doesn't. He can make the rocks cry out so why can't He use me. We forget that He is the Judge not us. There are thousands of people out there that aren't even accepted in churches as members or allowed to serve as teachers or youth leaders or sing in the choir because of divorce. It is a shame to proclaim to be christian yet judge others for their mistakes. Judge not least ye be Judged. God will show a praying, believeing grouyp of followers what He wants not their personal preference.

I have delt with this issue many times. I am a pastor who stands on the whole truth of Gods word on this matter. 1> David was a man after Gods own heart and had how many wives? Solomon had how many and was Gods anointed?
Upon the New covenant and the set up of the New church which was built by and on Christ.Is where the passage of 1 Tim. on Bishops(overseer of the church) and Deacons comes in.There were men of God under the law who had more than one wife. These men were not to pastor or serve the church as a deacon having more than one wife. This scripture only applies to men who have husband/wife relationship with more than one woman.
2> The word teaches us that the carnal mind is not subject to the laws of God nor can it be. So how can the church apply the doctrine of Christ on sinners? they can't
3> in fact the O.T. law of marriage and divorce was not given to the Gentiles nor did it apply to us & or them.
4> Two Christians cannot divorce. They can seperate for a time but must never be with another.
5> Here is where the mockery of God comes to play. Pastors or Preachers and whatevers will marry two sinners and have the gull to call it Holy

I have been a Pastor of a church for over 10 years and this is my and my wifes second marriage. We have been happily married for 16 yrs. Both of our marriages in the past ended because of infidelity on the part of our ex spouses.I have recently stepped down from pastoring a church to committing my time in international work in the Philippines where the Lord used my wife and I to oversee 40 churches and 40 Pastors. Our ministry gets supported through invited speaking engagements in churches and in this past year we have been able to build 15 churches for these Pastors. I say all of this to encourage other Pastors who have become so discouraged because of their divorce and they have been the victim and have tried for restoration and have failed that God still has a calling on your life.As a matter of suggestion why not start a support group to help mentor these men and women of God. My thought is why do we as the leaders of the church shoot the wounded leaders instead of encouraging them and helping them.My e-mail is pastor.bernie@shieldsoffaith.org

I have been a Pastor of a church for over 10 years and this is my and my wifes second marriage. We have been happily married for 16 yrs. Both of our marriages in the past ended because of infidelity on the part of our ex spouses.I have recently stepped down from pastoring a church to committing my time in international work in the Philippines where the Lord used my wife and I to oversee 40 churches and 40 Pastors. Our ministry gets supported through invited speaking engagements in churches and in this past year we have been able to build 15 churches for these Pastors. I say all of this to encourage other Pastors who have become so discouraged because of their divorce and they have been the victim and have tried for restoration and have failed that God still has a calling on your life.As a matter of suggestion why not start a support group to help mentor these men and women of God. My thought is why do we as the leaders of the church shoot the wounded leaders instead of encouraging them and helping them.My e-mail is pastor.bernie@shieldsoffaith.org

I've read with great interest the previous comments about divorce. I divorced 7 years ago, not because of a grand failure like adultery, but because my wife and I didn't successfully resolve conflicts. Unresolved conflicts produce resentment, and after years, the lid came off and the resentment resevoir exploded.

Church people tend to treat divorced people differently. My church didn't react well to my divorce, and they definitely weren't helpful, but we've since reconciled.

I also don't believe that divorce disqualifies someone from being a pastor. The text in I Timothy and Titus about being the husband of one wife refers to the practice of typical Greek men of having multiple sex partners. I don't think Paul was thinking of divorce at all when he wrote that. But this verse has been traditionally applied to divorce and it's become ingrained in our church culture and way of thinking.

I believe being a pastor is more of a spiritual gift than a calling (Eph. 4). But reentering the ministry after a divorce is met with a lot of resistance in many chruches. Moses was a murderer, David and murderer and adulterer, the apostle Paul probably killed people, but for some reason a divorce excludes one from ministry. As one comment above suggested, a man who murders his wife and repents is more acceptable than a divorced man who repents.

My heart aches for those who divorce. It's almost impossible to understand what it feels like unless you've been there. There are so many losses involved in a divorce. There's not only the loss of a relationship, and possibly children, but a whole array of secondary losses, which often involves one's church. God forgives and restores, it's just unforunate that some Christians don't.

I'm about to finish a M.A. in counseling and one of my two main areas of interest is conflict resolution. Most couples don't seek help or counseling until it's too late. As a pator I would hope to be able to teach conflict resolution to couples and churches before the damage becomes irreparable. May God bless those of you who wrote either during or after a divorce, and may you find the support you need to heal.

Doug Cline

Everyone who has ministered knows what Timothy says. But the way I see it, there is only one unforgivable sin, and divorce is not it. If the Minister is blameless for his/her divorce, then the church should make the exception. There are to many things the churches don't allow, for example, I meet all of the qualifications mentioned, but can
not get a job as a Pastor Senior or Otherwise, because of my gray hair. I am immediately not considered a candidate, I'm too old. Yet age descrimination is illegal in this country. Now in my opinion the church should be
penalized as they would a divorced pastor, if they want to keep playing games with useless arguments. Our charge is to bring the gospel to the unsaved, not fire
a pastor, particularly if the
gospel is preached regularly and supported with new converts attending church.Preaching to the choir is not our charge.

This is a topic that affects so many people, including myself, though it is a very touchy subject. I am currently happily married to my wife of almost 8 years, and we have a beautiful 10 month old little girl that God has blessed us with. I have been in the minsitry for over 7 years and am currently associate pastor in a non-denominational church. I was previously married for 23 months and my ex-wife had an adulterous affair which she admitted to and we were granted a divorce on those grounds. Due my upbringing, I was unsure myself if a divorced man could be a pastor, though I knew God was calling me into the ministry. Through continuous studying, and prayer, I believe that Paul is talking about polygamy, otherwise he would have said divorce, since it is mention in the Bible several times.

I have sent out many, many resumes over the years and have even preached a trial sermon about three years ago at a church that voted me in a hundred percent and said I was God's man for them. When I realized that divorce was an issue with this particular church and told them that I was, they revoted and only twenty percent voted me in. That is when I realized that any church I deal with needs to know upfront about my divorce becuase I do not want to be part of a church that don't believe that divorced men can be pastors.

Over the years I have learned not to get discouraged and doubt God's call on my life. Knowing God has called me, I know he has a specific purpose and place for me and He will put me there in His time. Our world today is filled with so many people who have been through divorce for one reason or another, and I have been able to help people deal with it when other pastors were not able to relate to or help them. If God has called you into the minstry, keep the faith, because He called you for a reason. You may not know what it is now, but in due time it will be revealed.

Your brother in Christ,
Marvin

I Cor 7 clearly gives teaching on biblical reasons for divorce and remarriage. If the man was divorced biblically then he is still qualified to pastor.

Quick rundown. He was married and divorced before salvation. Every thing is under the blood.

If he was married before he was saved and after salvation the unbeliever leaves him. God doesn't punish His kids for what the devil's kids do.

There is no exception clause for Christians in Matthew. Does your in-laws have the token cloth of your wife's virginity?
No, because we do not practice that and neither are our marriage rites like the Jews.

We commit spiritual adultery daily and yet we want God to forgive us and not divorce us. Adultery is not an excuse or even reason for divorce.

Two Christians can never divorce and remarry Scripturally. Yes, we are under higher standards. To divorce and remarry would be a perpetual state of adultery thus he would be disqualified.

I Timothy 3 and 5. Look at husband of one wife and wife of one husband. It is clearly a character trait not a numerical issue.

I'll let you scholars find the references. The study will do you good.

I am a divorced man who knows that I was calle dof God to preach at a very early age because of a divorce most churchesd will not accept me but God is not finished with me. I have been in a successful marriage for over ten years and seek every opportunity to serve God by preaching or teaching, the desire nor call has gone away. Unfortunately most " good christians" forget that all sin is equal in Gods eyes so i will keep praying and serving until God opens the right door.

As a man who knows he was called of god to preach the Gospel of Christ, and who God has not removed that desire from, I know what divorced people go thru. My wife left me because she didnt want to serve God and my "church" totally rejected me. After staying out of church for a while i met and married the one God had for me and we have been married over ten years and fortunately I had a pastor who welcomed me and the talent gave me into his church and restored me to be a youth pastor. to him i will always be grateful, however I have had no luck in finding additional opportunities to preach, since lleaving that church on good terms due to a move to a different state I have only been successful in finding a church that only allows me to work in a minor roll and with a church that states that divorced people are not different and should be loved but actions speak louder than words. No divorced men are allowed to be deacons or hold title of pastor due to their interpetation of Timothy. I however do believe those verses speak to a mentality not a number. Divorced men have not committed the unpardonable sin!!!!! Either God forgives or he doesn't, you can't have it both ways. I chhose to believe he does.

There are some very insightful posts here on the subject of divorce. Some vary from the original question posed by manfred's "what about divorced pastors?", but it shows how varied the issue of divorce an ministry can be.
Along the several denominational lines which I share the same doctrinal views, the issue is Divorce and Remarriage to be specific. However, I don't know that it makes it any easier to overcome but maybe more difficult. Divorced persons find themselves in a "catch-22" scenario. As we can all attest, the ministry application process for the previously divorced is frustrating at best and (lets be honest) made to keep the divorced out. By no means do I fault the organizations really. Its their bat and their ball and they have the right to call the shots. But we, wanting to stay accountable, desire these organizations to be appart of.
It is an interesting thing to be called by God after a divorce. No commitee wants to hear that. The amount of documented proof a person needs to provide is incredible and near impossible if you want to be completely honest.
I was divorced at the age of 20 after a rocky marriage of 1 year. Both of us unbelievers, no children, she left, infidelity, etc. Two years later I was born again, filled with the Holy Spirit, called to ministry. Two years after that, remarried (she had never been married). 10 years later graduated form a very good denominational university, magna cum laude. Trying all the time to be "good enough" but still never attaining the right to be in full time ministry. I know the frustration. You can feel like you are disobeying God's will but the church doesn't want you. You question yourself constantly, "Did I really hear God? Am I really called? Maybe it was all in my head, if I was called, God surely would have opened the door by now... Maybe I messed myself up and never will be able to go into ministry... Maybe I should just pursue another career?" But you just can't shake the unction to preach or teach or minister, etc. You even push the bible and prayer away feelieng like its a temptaion (some will know what I mean by that).
I don't have the answer yet, but I know I'm not as anxious as I used to be and have alot more patience. I also have got to see some of these organizations from a different angle and realize that I don't really want to be appart of some of them anyway. I still get invited to preach without asking so God does give opportunity. I hope this helps a little, some of the previous posts helped me.

When I read about divorce and hear words like restoration, I need that to be defined. Are we talking about restored fellowship after a Christian repents and turns from sin.. or are we talking about having every area of our life and service for God restored to it's exact former state?
The Bible is very clear about the consequences of sin. There is often irretrievable loss that results from sin. David's baby boy died, the sword came to his house, Absalom's actions ripped his heart apart. Moses could not lead the children of Isreal into the promised land... etc. This does not mean they were no longer God's servants or that they weren't forgiven but their sin certainly changed things.
If a Pastor's divorce was a result of his own sin as in an adulterous act, it's not so much that tradition is violated by his remaining in the Shepherd role. To me there is a probable danger of him being a stumbling block to someone weak in the faith. Perhaps someone in his congregation begins to struggle with a temptation toward adultery. If he is aware of his beloved Pastor's former sin of adultery, he may think something like this. "Pastor sinned in this way... but look at him, he's so happy with his new wife, God's forgiven him and restored him to his former standing as Pastor... so if I do this thing surely God will restore me too."
Only God can judge whether his servants are fitted for the same tasks after a fall. I think the greatest lesson one can learn from a fallen shepherd.. I mean one who chose sin over obedience is this. "Take heed lest just when you think you are standing, that you don't fall."
Bottom line is that "though we fall we are not utterly cast down, for the Lord holds us with His hand." How wonderful that we can never fall out of His hand!
Just some thoughts.

I have served since I was seventeen, now forty-nine. In year 23 of my marriage my wife moved out, did not want a part of the ministry, felt that she had missed out. I retained custody of the children, etc. Yes, we will always wear the cloak-of-divorce, but so be it. God knows our hearts and deep desire to serve Him. He knows the siturations. I truly believe that service in the future will be greater. The valley that many of us traveled will solidify in a greater way our relationship Christ. After thirty years of continuous service I am just coming out of a four year respite and reentering the formal ministry. I too was totally disregarded by the SBC and will move on. It is their choice and I am employed by Christ. For you who are currently suffering the dark valley of divorce, God will use that time to re-mold you and maybe recreate you and even restore you to a level that you may not have experienced in the past. I can say paroxically, that my relationship with Christ is so much greater than before. I know that this does not sound "Christian", but I now have a freedom to serve Christ as never before and I have such a beautiful relationship with Christ. We must remember, we are serving for eternity, not just today. We have new tools/experiences that will help so many others. As for me, it will incorporate a move to another state to be able to serve, a small price to pay for the sweetness of being in His service. Please do not get too depressed about the past. May God help all of you that have a pure heart for Him, you will not overlook you. tom@ittennessee.com

I once wondered why God did not, literally, dispatch angels to pastor the earthly churches anyway, instead of using not-so- perfect human beings. In the book of Jeremiah, we read that God gives pastors according to his heart to feed the people with knowledge and understanding. Then, who are we to alter the counsel of God?

If God sends a pastor, we ought to accept that pastor. The problem today, as I see it, is that too much reliance is being placed upon human reasonings and systems,in order to determine who should be the pastor of a congregation or to serve in an office in the church (not to mention secular offices). We are no longer like Gideon then are we? We don't know how to seek God anymore for things that do not make sense to us or to wait for his counsel in such important matters.

Consider those who God predestinated, in him, before the foundation of the world, and those whom he chose to serve. Truly all of these individuals at one time or another were in the Hall of Shame. Many in God's pantheon of choice, were murderers, polygamists, adulterers, womanizers, criminals, divorcees, prostitutes, et al. Would we knowingly allow anyone with the backgrounds of Moses, David, Saul, Peter or others to serve today? If God had been on our Boards, we would have voted his selections down right away!
Where would we be today if God had not placed these examples into position of authority? The new Testament church, initially, did not receive Paul (following his conversion).

I used to wonder why he made the lives of Biblical characters that he had chosen so transparent, particularly the negative aspects of their lives? Could it be that he wanted us to understand the nature of his work, forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration to God. If God can cast our former sins into a sea of forgetfulness, why can't Christians today do the same thing? I know of one unpardonable sin, and I don't read anywhere where divorce is it. The scriptures tells us just the opposite.

The scriptures even tells us when divorce is acceptable, when adultery occurs for example. But can we say that even if adultery had not occured, that one cannot be forgiven. And if one is forgiven and restored by God, can we continue to say that the individual is not in good standing? God did not say that, "you are forgiven, but--".

Again, who are we to reject what God has accepted and made clean (Peters)? God's church should not operate by Robert's Rules, rather, they must operate by the Spirit of God. For except he build the house..., And not by power or might but by my Spirit saith the Lord.

A young woman shared, with me some years ago, that a man could not pastor if he had been divorced, given that he could not rule his own house. My response was, since the creation rebelled against the creator, our Father, then did God fail? I asked could God rule any longer or claim to be omniscient and omnipresent, given that he could not, apparently, rule 1/3 of heaven?

We all know that Satan rebelled against God, however, that did not mitigate or militate against God in anyway. Today we have rebellion in our country, in our families and in our churches; in fact our country was born in rebellion thus the seed of rebellion is evident in all of our institutions (and it is hard to get rid of)! Should any of us be disqualified from parenting our children, because one is rebellious or gets away?

One can do everything according to God's will, if it were possible, and still be rebelled against, remember Job's wife? Remember that Moses and his wife had problems as well, not to mention the first family?

Some in the New Testament churches did not want to accept those like Epaphroditus, that God had sent because they had infirmities in their bodies. Yet, Paul and Timothy who prayed for others and apparently could not be healed of their own medical problems, were in fact sent to minister to others. What a mystery!

What we really need to learn to do is to understand the will of God, and be in tune with his spirit, and rely more on the Heavenly Officer Selection Committee even in this context, particularly when designates one for service. Some of these, that we may reject, have already gone through experiences that will be beneficial to congregations in communities that have documented divorce rates as high as 80%.

And most of all we should never forget that God sent his Son to his own, and they did not receive him either, let us not be guilty of the same!

Peace & Grace

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I received more illumination on this topic just this morning, a portion of which I shared on another topic contained in this blog.

Paul, in his non church-sanctioned letter, wrote that the shepherds and deacons [depending on your interpretation of the terms] must be the husband of one wife, et al. Many of us believe, as someone already wrote above, that he made that comment for the sake of those in a culture that believed in polygamy.

Some pastors in Africa today, are being brought under scrutiny given that they have more than one wife. Should they divorce and give their divorced wives to other men or simply step down as Pastor?

But back to Paul, if his comments were being made for any other reason than to say that the Pastor's marriage should be a reflection and example of the Bride and Groom Church, then Paul's words would seem unfair and questionable when put under scrutiny.

Why? Paul was forgiven for being an apparent murderer, and/or at least an accessory to murder and torture of God's people. However, after some fear and consternation by the church Father's, they eventually relented to the Spirit of God (having fasted and prayed), and Paul was accepted by the church and set apart by the Holy Ghost for the work that he was to do, given the laying on of hands by the Presbyters.

If Paul was selected and permitted to be a Chief Apostle given his track record, I hardly believe that God would reject a pastor who has been through a divorce, particularly, one that was not of his own choosing, and perhaps even one that was of his choosing. Having said that, divorcing should not be a practice of that pastor. If only we would choose our leaders in the manner that it was done in the New Testament church.

I suspect that many of the Apostle Paul's New Testament comments, made in his various epistles should have been subjected to the scrutiny of the other Apostles and at some church held council if they were to establish doctrine, just as my non-doctrinal words will be tested by each of you. Some of his comments in his letters, were not consistent with prophecies in the Old Testament or in the Spirit of the New Testament. Consider Joel's prophecy, I will pour out of my Spirit on all flesh and your sons and daughters shall prophesy. Paul did acknowledge in his letter to the Romans that all of his comments were not necessarily God-breathed, ableit some consider everything that he wrote as scripture today. [I wonder, if we could speak with Paul, would he have considered his letters to be scriptures or as it would seem, an instructional epistle. I don't believe that he would say that he was creating scriptures].

I know what some of you are thinking, but no, I am not trying to disparage the Apostle or his Apostolic authority. However, in keeping with his own words in II Thessalonians 5, we should prove all things and hold fast to those which are good.

Some of Paul's positions, in my estimation, were well-intended and were a result of his acculturation, his background and his previous vocation. Some of his positions are not, in my estimation, scripturally or spiritually consistent under the dispensation of grace and truth, particularly when we consider the forgiving and restorative nature of God. God restores, heals and returns one to service. He has always done so with imperfect human beings. Unlike us, he does not impeach!

For the Bible says that a righteous man will fall seven times, but each time he gets back up. Then who are we to hold someone down, or call unclean what God has cleansed?

And I end with a question, how many of you today would accept Paul as your prelate or pastor given his record, or given his marital status? God did!

The concept of divorce is a touchy one simply because like any other "crime" against God it is easier to place a scarlet letter on people than to offer the hand of forgiveness and love. The church leaders or rather owners, have their money and edifices to protect so anything they believe will "stain" the reputation of their church will be excluded from consideration. It is unfortunate that fighting sin has become more a people fight than spiritual fight as the Bible says it is.

The concept of divorce is a touchy one simply because like any other "crime" against God it is easier to place a scarlet letter on people than to offer the hand of forgiveness and love. The church leaders or rather owners, have their money and edifices to protect so anything they believe will "stain" the reputation of their church will be excluded from consideration. It is unfortunate that fighting sin has become more a people fight than spiritual fight as the Bible says it is.

Help please. If we as a Christian, are attending a church and find out that the pastor has been through a divorce in the past but continues to preach, are we to stop attending the church and find a new one??

Does anyone know of a Pentecostal church that will allow remarried men to serve?

if you do please e-mail me at kleencrew@yahoo.com

It seems to me that people look at some scripture in Titus and Timothy and on that they base their belief that a person who's been divorced cannot pastor. Paul was an educated man, he knew the word for divorce in more than one language. If he had meant divorce, he would have said divorce. Then we just kind of seem to through away the rest of the qualifications. I think what's happening here is that the blood of Jesus Christ is on trial. He bled and died on Calvary's tree to wash my sins away past, present and future. Scripture says my sins will be remembered no more. I believe that means that God will never charge me with those sins. His forgiveness unlike man's is complete. I am secure in my salvation and my calling, and if your not well, I forgive you.

My ex-wife and I divorced after six years of marriage. I will admit that we had several rocky patches that could be attributed to both of us. We married very young, and I began serving in churches shortly after receiving the call to preach. This immaturity I believe played a major role in the destruction of our marriage. I did fight hard to remain married, yet she felt compelled to go forth with divorce fearing that we would be back at this same spot in the future.

I prayed and asked for forgiveness knowing that I was certainly not faultless, yet I find that it's most difficult to forgive myself. While I was single, I sent resumes to churches for youth ministry positions, and all of them responded with a "thanks, but no thanks" because of my divorce without having ANY details. This is without a doubt foolishness on behalf of the churches to pass judgment so quickly.

I have since remarried and am sending out more resumes. I realize that many churches are going to have issues with my divorce, but have accepted that such a fundamental uber-conservative mentality on this issue means that I would have problems in other areas as well. I will continue to trust God to use me in whatever way He sees fit.

There is an understanding and compassion and newfound desire for others whose lives are less than perfect which surfaces after such an experience. I believe that God has a group of people out there who need such a minister to reach out to them, and help lead them to a much closer walk with our wonderful God of grace and mercy!

I have a truly hard time understanding how a Christian person can, in the full and whole picture of truth, deny a divorced Christian man to pastorship IF he has produced a consistent track record for a period of time of "holy" living. Holy living being the daily seeking of Christ through the Holy Spirit in an intimate relationship with Him, thus resulting in appropriate behaviors/works.

To say that the sin of divorce should be continually held against a person (and by denying pastorhood it IS being held against him) is saying that God, in fact, has NOT cast his sin as far as the east meets the west and DOES remember his sin. It's like saying "you can't be a pastor because you've been divorced" and on the other hand accepting that the un-divorced pastor you sit under is committing adultery in his heart each Sunday when he sees that choir lady in her robe. So who is "most" worthy for pastorship? The divorcee or the adulterer? Hmmmmm. Choices, choices.

If I have been washed "white as snow", which means there is NO impurity, and my robe is white, then how can the crimson stain of divorce or any other sin be held against me spiritually? You may say, "yeah, spiritually, but not physicaly." My response: as Christians we do not live or battle against flesh and blood-we are spiritual beings with spiritual motives and spiritual thoughts.

To say that a SIN can define my life in any way, shape, or form is heretic and completely unbiblical. If it can, then the blood of Christ on the cross for me was simiply not enough to cover ALL of my sin.

God is a God of redemption and restoration. He will not keep His foot on my head, so to speak, and He will raise up whom He chooses to raise up.

If we judge this issue by the work of sin, then we judge wrongly. Christians are not judged according to their sin, they are redeemed and restored by His grace.

Sin? According to you, did Paul, the persecutor and torturer of Christians, have any business preaching/pastoring? YES...because it is God's business, not man's religious entitling of roles. GOD GIVES THE ROLES and CALLS THE WEAK AND BROKEN AND THE DESTROYED. Self-righteous pastors simply become nauseated at the sight of a "more sinful" person who actually has a passion for the Lord become redeemed by our Redeeming God. Pharisees.....I shake my head.

I have personally know many pastors who upon divorce take it upon themselves to leave their pastoral positions. Even with the church requesting that the pastor stay in their position. These men went on to several other positions within the ministry and have led abundunt lives, still carrying on the great commission in Christ.

There is no such thing as a blameless divorce: whether it be emotional neglect or poor judgement on the pastor's part, no one person in a divorce is totally clean. This person does not any right to counsel anyone or moreover lead a church body.

The calling from God that these men are claiming is based their own personal desire not God's will. They do not want to give up the power, the prestige and the income. Their are numerous passages in the bible teaching us not to trust your own feelings.

Blameless is not a human term but rather a Godly one. We are all guilty and yes we are all forgiven of our sins through the blood of Christ.

Why is that these divorced pastor's will not go for a mission helping the homeless, a prison misnistry, an administration church role...etc?

No one is saying that these divorced pastor's can not preach. To preach and to pastor are two separate issues. Go preach on a street corner, from door to door, in a hospital or at a homeless shelter.

I doubt anyone of these pastor's who are crying fowl who do any of these activities because they think it is beneath them.

God can still successfully use divorced men in ministry. These divorced me can still bring glory to the cross, if they let go of the own personal desires and pride.

In Christ,

Brother Paul

Greetings in the name of the Lord, Let me say that I am encouraged in what I have read on this blog. As a former pastor of a church, who was divorced and re-married, (before I entered the ministry) I came under judgment from various individuals.

There were times that people would come to the church, sit and listen to my messages and yet refuse to acknowledge me. On more than one occasion, individuals would refuse to shake my hand, due to their issues regarding my past. I still loved them and just prayed for God to speak to them.

Now I have been out of the ministry for almost 2 years working on my Masters, seeking God for new direction. I have applied to several churches, however when they learn I have gone through a divorce and re-married, it’s the same old story...."we like your passion, ministry style and experience, but our church isn't ready for a divorced pastor.”

God used my wife and I to lead a church of hundreds, it grew and great things happened; now a church of 50 doesn't want me. What am I missing? I have such a desire to pastor again and share the Gospel. I have a Sheppard’s heart, the ability to build a church that is Christ centered, but it seems my divorce supersedes all the above. What do I do? Where is the forgiveness?

I know God has a place for me, but when. Maybe I am frustrated. Pray for me may we all rest on the words of the prophet Naham……. Chapter 1: 7 “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him”

May God bless you

Phil C.

Greetings in the name of the Lord, Let me say that I am encouraged in what I have read on this blog. As a former pastor of a church, who was divorced and re-married, (before I entered the ministry) I came under judgment from various individuals.

There were times that people would come to the church, sit and listen to my messages and yet refuse to acknowledge me. On more than one occasion, individuals would refuse to shake my hand, due to their issues regarding my past. I still loved them and just prayed for God to speak to them.

Now I have been out of the ministry for almost 2 years working on my Masters, seeking God for new direction. I have applied to several churches, however when they learn I have gone through a divorce and re-married, it’s the same old story...."we like your passion, ministry style and experience, but our church isn't ready for a divorced pastor.”

God used my wife and I to lead a church of hundreds, it grew and great things happened; now a church of 50 doesn't want me. What am I missing? I have such a desire to pastor again and share the Gospel. I have a Sheppard’s heart, the ability to build a church that is Christ centered, but it seems my divorce supersedes all the above. What do I do? Where is the forgiveness?

I know God has a place for me, but when. Maybe I am frustrated. Pray for me may we all rest on the words of the prophet Naham……. Chapter 1: 7 “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him”

May God bless you

Phil C.

By the way I have a website, feel free to view it and make any recommendations

Phil C.

oops I forgot to leave the address
www.pcministries.us

Wow. On the one hand you have pastors in good relationships that hold their calling to God in such high esteem that they claim they would resign if divorced. On the other hand, you have people making every argument for why they are "no worse" that anyone else. That is hardly a job qualification. I do not think I want my doctor, lawyer or accountant to be "no worse" - why in the world would I expect my pastor to be "no worse" than me?

It should be quite a bit more difficult to become a pastor than to work at McDonalds. Maybe if we set the bar higher, rather than lower, the moral culture of our churches would also be raised. (By the way, I am NOT a pastor or in any kind of ministry.)

WOW back at you anonymous. Thanks for the post. Let me say that if I understand you correctly, you do not agree that a divorced man should be a pastor? If that is true, then what the bible says regarding God's Grace is sufficient for all things is not completely true. If a divorced man cannot pastor and be used to lead a church, then why would a man (Saul - later named Paul) who murdered and persecuted Christians be used of God to became one of the most revered men in all of biblical history? Maybe there is a difference between the sin of murder and the sin of divorce? All I can say is that I know that I know God has called my wife and me and we have been used in the past to touch the lives of people that many pastors could not. Explain that? What do you say to God opening a door for my wife and me to lead a church, to see it grow through the power of God, to see people’s lives changed and a community of individuals know there are pastors who can relate to their hurts and mistakes? It is sad to say, but we do not have enough pastors and ministry leaders who have the heart of Jesus and able to relate to others. Too many people and churches place their pastors and other leaders on a pedestal. As pastors we are called to a higher calling and must life above reproach, but remember this; all Christians are called to be who they profess to be and as a pastor I am no different than those who would attend the church I lead. I am a man seeking after God’s own heart as should all Christ followers. If more churches had pastors who lead with a Sheppard’s heart, with passion / compassion and saw people through God’s eyes and not mans, you would see churches truly being what they are called to be…a hospital, a center raising up disciples to go out and touch people for the kingdom of God. In closing let me relate to the words people used to describe my wife and me. When we left the church we pastored at, we were referred to as being the real deal. I can think of no greater compliment. It is who I am; it is who I always want to be with the help of God.
Phil C.

Pastors suffer from a syndrome much like Doctors. They view themselves in a light they have contrived themselves rather than the true light of God's Word. There is a shortage of physicians in this world but my Doc friends tell me there exists an unspoken club that limits the number of docs to insure that demand and hence salaries will remain at a desired level.

Pastors are the ones who drive the qualifications of "no divorced" pastors. They interpret the Bible to define their lifestyle. A very famous pastor used to be opposed to divorced pastors when it happened to him his interpretation changed.

The question is not will God use divorced pastors but rather will the church interpret God's word themselves as it is written and follow the leadership of GOD?

Sin is sin to God. No one sin is greater than another. I know many pastors who do not qualify for the ministry based on clear scripture but they have never been divorced so they are perceived as "qualified"

Before you judge others you need to spend time alone with God and his word and seek His face and wisdom.

God is a God of grace, mercy and forgiveness. Man should never try to improve on God's Word

I just received an e-mail from someone referred to anonymous, who may be the one posting previous comments. Sad that people can't leave a name but I assume that is how it is. Let me say that we must be careful of assuming someone is judging others when they are doing the same thing. God knows my heart and intentions. Now an update on what God has done. I am now pastoring a church and blessed and humbled that God would see fit to place me as a Shepard over a flock. In just a few short weeks, the Glory of God and His power has fallen on our congreation and His spirit is moving in ways I have never dreamed. People are coming from all over are being drawn to our church. We are already having to consider another service on Sunday mornings to handle the influx of people. It is truly a God thing. It is unreal. People from all walks of life, hurts and needs are coming and feeling the presence of God. My wife and I are truly in awe of what God is doing. We are seeking Him and only desire His perfect will. I have learned that God truly does use us no matter who we are where we come from and no matter what we have done in life. If He can use a divorced man to pastor a church and Shepard a flock, and bless it / fill it, then God is the God of a second, third, fourth chance, etc. Pray for us as we seek God for direction and that He continues to bless and send people our way. We need a full time youth pastor, praise and worship pastor and workers. God bless
Phil C.

I have a comment as well as a question. I know an M.Div graduate who went through a divorce many years ago before he felt called to ministry. He also has a minor police record from two decades ago. He has been lokking for a place in ministry for nearly five years but has been passed over for these reasons in nearly every interview. What advice do you give to someone who believes he/she has been called to ministry with this type of former life?

Wow...

I have to say that this has been a definate blessing for me.

Just this summer... after 3 years of discussion with my wife, she agreed that i was to go to biblecollege. Backing up a bit further i first felt the call to ministry when i was 19 but ran scared and joined the military. so at 28 years old... i'm not just jumping the gun here... I've had this on my heart for many many years.

So...this august my wife finally agrees that we're going to go away to bible college... that was the first week of August...

8 weeks ago.. she left me and had an affair with another man. We have a 2 1/2 year old little girl that she has also left behind.

I Feel that the lord is calling me into full time ministry, and I have always be believed it to be pastoral ministry but was always raised to believe that pastors cannot be divorced. plain and simple...

so when this happened... i was devestated. My entire life's calling was tossed because my wife has left me.

I am still open to her coming home and working on things. But she has told me that she considers us to be divorced and that its only waiting for the requisite year to get the paperwork done.

I don't know if i can remarry after this... I'm still very hurt and I know that before i can EVER enter into full time ministry as a pastor i will have to be able to deal with my pain and anger towards what she has done to me and be able to have peace in my heart when i think of her.

I am encouraged that all is not lost for my ministry calling.

This is still all new and I'm still hurting from her abandonment, If anyone is willing to help me figure this stuff out so that i can get myself on track for serving Him... please don't hesitate to contact me at Jason@bbmp.ca or hubbard_jason@hotmail.com

Blessings,

Jason

My personal experience in life, has been that the experience of God that a pastor has is unique and hand-crafted. Regardless of whether a person is paid for it, they serve the role in their life and language. Marital status can affect this positively or negatively.

As a person whose primary job is to lift up the needs and sorrows of others in prayer, it is very difficult to do this if your own needs or those of your spouse or family are very great. This is the only case when a person's own sins prevents them from ministering.

For example, people who are dealing with harsh addictions need to deal with that issue first before being allowed to serve. Otherwise the practical aspect of the role is persistently eclipsed by their personal concerns.

The judgments of the congregation on the lifestyle of the pastor are entirely irrelevant. If you don't want to follow a pastor's lead, then go somewhere else. People who seek growth are not overly concerned about the ability of a person to exemplify what they preach.

However, if a person is able to practice what he preaches, it provides integrity to the message. It also keeps pastors from saying things that are idiotic.

Prime example - pastors who talk about abstinence with young people until marriage who didn't live that way themselves... the tips they give in living out that idea are pitiful - it's like a top ten list of things they tried but didn't work.

In the case of a divorced person, they have an area of experience that is incredibly valuable to congregations - in many cases, they know what it is like to have someone very close to them "die" in a practical sense - to have them disappear. There are a lot of experiences that they have which I believe can benefit the congregation...

In many cases, a divorce is the first tinge of real poverty and loss that a person experience in upper-middle class America - and we tend to treat them with the same love and respect that we treat homeless people on the street.

It is the church's loss, ultimately. Although I question the calling of a person who at a difficult point in life decides 'they aren't good for the priesthood' anymore. Anyone who reads scripture knows that God chooses you and knits together gifts in each person to redeem their purpose in life.

For any group to try to take away that gift or deny it is laughable. A pastor will be a pastor, even if he chooses to bake donuts or sweep floors.

It sucks - but that's how gifts are, they are like disabilities... you've got 'em - make the most of them and live the fullest life you can.

Allow me to flip the scenario, how would you feel about a community who lives with a deposed priest due to divorce, who has to stop using his gifts and expertise, who has to deny him of the very thing he was created to do? Now instead of talking about 1 man's sin, you are talking about the sin of hundreds or thousands - denying a person the opportunity to put his God-given talents to use.

Who owns the bigger shame? When God asks each member of the congregation, "Why did you not let this person love and guide you as I had intended?" what defense will they have?