This Is Not About YouEncouragement for those raising difficult and challenged childrenby Maggy Larsen review by Ryan Gardner
I am not a child psychologist. I am not a social worker. I don’t have what most people would call “difficult or challenged children.” But I am a parent. My wife and I have four precious daughters—ages 6, 5, 4, and almost 2. They are as “difficult and challenging” as most “normal” children, I suppose. I am convinced that parenting is the most strenuous long-term activity that human beings ever undertake. It is more often perplexing than not, and nearly every day presents a new and intimately spiritual, emotional, mental, or social challenge in one form or another. Maggy Larsen’s autobiographical account of dealing with her mentally, emotionally, and socially challenged daughter is helpful for any parent. Her turning to Christ and his words for strength and spiritual renewal reminds all parents that raising children cannot be successfully accomplished without the help of the Almighty. Undoubtedly, parents of difficult and challenged children will find inspiration and compassion in Mrs. Larsen’s narrative. In the end, Mrs. Larsen’s story reminds us that this endeavor of family living is not solely about focusing on us—either parents or children—it is about focusing on Christ and about submitting our views, our problems, our concerns, our fears, our weaknesses, our will to His mind and will so that He can transform us into His image. Perhaps the most powerful thing this book did for me—and will likely do for many other parents—was inspire introspective evaluation of our methods and motives in parenting. Readers will not likely agree with everything Mrs. Larsen and her husband do in regards to raising their children. There are no perfect parents, a realization that Mrs. Larsen eventually comes to. But reading of her experiences causes us to examine why we get our children involved in school, church performances, and various other extra-familial activities; why we discipline our children the way we do; why we talk to them the way we do; whey we pray for them the way we do; why we react to them the way we do—just about every facet of parenting comes under the internal microscope in this book. My wife and I both read this book and we discussed it for days. It is just that kind of a book. Larsen’s “stream of consciousness” style may bother some readers. She just relates her thoughts and feelings as events transpire with very little interpretation or analysis. Because of that, potential readers should know that this is not a “how to” book. There are no lists or steps to successful parenting. It is a book that focuses on the process of acceptance and understanding in parenting. The dramatic epiphany that the reader longs for never comes. As frustrating as this might be for the reader, maybe that is more true to the nature and phenomenon of the love-filled labor of parenting. Maggy Larsen’s This Is Not About You is certainly a worthwhile exploration of the heart and mind of every parent.
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