My Journey of Faith
by Matt Dillon
At the age of thirteen I said a little prayer. My best friend was spending the night at my mom’s house and we were staying up late, watching TV, when we somehow got on the subject of God. He asked me if I had been saved and I replied, “What the heck are you talking about?” His Dad had been through a difficult marriage that ended in divorce. On top of that, his older sister became ill and unexpectedly died. To say the least, his family had seen some hard times and his Dad had found relief through God. He had attended the same church as his father. Learning about God from this church, He learned how to become saved. Now I don’t know if he understood what he was talking but I knew I sure didn’t. He tried to explain to me that if I was sorry for the bad things I had done in my life and asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart, I too would be saved. Now this all sounded nice but I really just wanted to get some sleep, so I said that little prayer to shut him up. I never realized the impact that it would have upon my life.
I was brought up in a home that believed in God and was raised with
Christian values. My father and mother were both believers and we went
church, but they divorced when I was 10 and church ended. Their divorce
hurt me deeply, though I was unaware of the pain at the time because I had
to survive. To survive their divorce I blocked everything; I simply
didn’t deal with what I felt. Believe me when I say divorce is one of the
worst things a child can go through. I went on with my life, somewhat
blind, missing out on what was going on around me. Time would pass and I
would find myself depressed, feeling very alone.
As time progressed and I entered into my teenage years, I began
experiencing some very large questions. I found myself always asking,
“why?” I was never into drinking or drugs, I just knew they were wrong
and wouldn’t help me at all. But as some people drink their problems
away, I thought my problems away. I became consumed in mindless thought.
I would busy myself with all kinds of questions, all sharing the same root
question. “Where did we come from, what is my purpose in life, does God
really exist, why does this happen,
why does that happen, why, why, why?!” I found that if I would constantly
ask these questions I didn’t have to face the problems before me. No
matter how many times I asked them, I would never find a logical
explanation. No one person on earth holds the answer to these questions;
however, I would eventually find an answer that would satisfy my need to
know.
I met my ex-girlfriend in high school. I was a junior and she was a
freshman. We began to date and my life would be forever changed. She was
a strong believer with a great family. It would be my break-up with her
that would bring forth the answer to my questioning and strengthen my
relationship with Christ. After being with her for two years, learning a
lot about God, it was during my separation with her that I drove to my
mom’s house in rage. I flew inside her house, crying like mad, grabbing a
pen and a piece of paper I wrote, “Everyone in life is searching for
truth.” It made sense. Everyone asks the same questions that I had been
asking, just not to the degree that I had. Everyone wonders where we came
from, where we're going, and if their life has a purpose. Everyone
searches for truth. Then I wrote, still crying, “The only thing I know to
be true in life is love.” In all my young years on earth I had seen some
bad things; death, deceit, pain, and suffering. I knew the world was a
dark place but the only thing I knew to be true, without a doubt, was
love. Love is the only thing that is pure and good. Then I read exactly
what I had written, “Everyone in life is searching for truth. The only
thing I know to be true in life is love.” Then it made sense.
We’re all searching for love!
This was a life changing experience for me. For the first time my mind
was at ease, a solution to my questions had been found. Slowly I began to
look around me and it appeared as though opportunities were springing up
left and right. I found myself wanting to know and learn more. I
began to reach out to those who were mature in faith so that I could learn
from their experiences. It all came together for me when I completed
my first reading of the New Testament. I found myself totally consumed in
the Bible. It was the first
book I had ever truly enjoyed reading. I also became more active in
church and found other people who were just like me.
The factor that made my belief possible was my own ability to choose. Not once was I forced to participate in anything I didn’t want to. I took things at my own pace and continue on my lifelong journey of learning.
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